Ubuntu Tips n Tricks

Thursday, December 10, 2009

Some Rather Old But Still Funny Anti-UNIX Jokes (One Liners)

Posted: 10 Dec 2009 02:18 AM PST

You may have heard a lot of anti-Microsoft jokes before since you can read them everywhere. However, it's pretty rare to find anti-UNIX/Linux jokes. So I would like to share with you some pretty old but still funny anti-UNIX one-liners. Enjoy!

* If Unix is the answer, then it must have been a stupid question.

* Unix is the only virus with a command-interface.

* How can an operating system from 1970 (UNIX) be more modern than an operating system from 1978 (VMS)?
* Unix - the first computer virus.

* NFS = Nightmare File System.

* Berkeley is famous for LSD and BSD UNIX. I don't think that is a coincidence.

* Sure, the Unix file system corrupts your files, but look how fast it is!

* Friends don't let friends use Unix.

* Unix - the ideal operating system for CPU's that are never powered up.

* Nothing wrong with UNIX that a total redesign and rewrite cannot fix.

* UNIX will be preempted by NT. UNIX doesn't know it yet - it won't notice until it's too late, because UNIX is the Yugoslavia of software, at war with itself -- but it's all over.

* The users of Unix systems said speed wasn't an issue when the Alpha chip was released. The same people tell their wives and girlfriends that size doesn't matter.

* If Unix were a beer, then it would be shipped in open casks so that anybody could piss in it before delivery.

* UNIX is user friendly. It's just selective about who its friends are.

* UNIX is akin to a religion to some. If things aren't done like they are in UNIX, then they must be bad. Sorry, I don't believe in this religion.

* UNIX is a four-letter word!

* VI = Virtually Incomprehensible.

* Unix is about as user friendly as a blow in the back from an ice-pick, only not quite as productive.

* What has happened, when a system-manager gets gray-haired in one day? One day with a UNIX system!

* How do you pronounce UNIX? You Nix!

* Cretin and UNIX both start with C.

* The scariest thing about Jurassic Park was that the control systems were Unix.

* Why is using a UNIX system like being an Enuch? Every time you go to do something important, you realize something critical is missing.

If you know of other funny anti-UNIX/Linux jokes, please share them with us via comment.