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| Christmas Tech Jokes 2010 Edition Posted: 21 Dec 2010 02:06 AM PST It is Christmas time once again. As some of you may know, it has been a tradition here at TechSource to post some tech-related Christmas jokes during the holidays. To our new readers and site visitors, here is a list of some of the techie Christmas jokes that we have previously posted: * Christmas Jokes For IT Professionals * Microsoft Jokes for Christmas * Christmas Jokes For Geeks * Christmas Tech Jokes 2008 Edition * Christmas Jokes for Linux/Unix Geeks * Techie Christmas Jokes 2k9 Edition  Now, we will continue our tradition of giving holiday cheer to everyone by bringing a new set of Christmas tech jokes. Enjoy! 12 Days Of Helpdesk Original: "12 Days of Christmas" On the first day of Christmas, a user gave to me A problem with E.T. On the second day of Christmas, a user gave to me Two VendaCards and a problem with E.T. On the third day of Christmas, a user gave to me Three dead disks, Two venda cards, and a problem with E.T. On the fourth day of Christmas, a user gave to me Four virused files, three dead disks, Two VendaCards, and a problem with E.T. On the fifth day of Christmas, a user gave to me Five Token Rings (*snap!*) Four virused files, three dead disks, Two VendaCards, and a problem with E.T. On the sixth day of Christmas, a user gave to me Six servers crashing, Five Token Rings (*snap!*) Four virused files, three dead disks, Two VendaCards, and a problem with E.T. On the seventh day of Christmas, a user gave to me Seven files missing, six servers crashing, Five Token Rings (*snap!*) Four virused files, three dead disks, Two VendaCards, and a problem with E.T. On the eighth day of Christmas, a user gave to me Eight phones a-ringing, Seven files missing, six servers crashing, Five Token Rings (*snap!*) Four virused files, three dead disks, Two VendaCards, and a problem with E.T. On the ninth day of Chrsitmas, a user gave to me Nine printers jamming, eight phones a-ringing, Seven files missing, six servers crashing, Five Token Rings (*snap!*) Four virused files, three dead disks, Two VendaCards, and a problem with E.T. On the tenth day of Christmas, a user gave to me Ten ribbons fading, Nine printers jamming, eight phones a-ringing, Seven files missing, six servers crashing, Five Token Rings (*snap!*) Four virused files, three dead disks, Two VendaCards, and a problem with E.T. On the eleventh day of Christmas, a user gave to me Eleven system errors, ten ribbons fading, Nine printers jamming, eight phones a-ringing, Seven files missing, six servers crashing, Five Token Rings (*snap!*) Four virused files, three dead disks, Two VendaCards, and a problem with E.T. On the twelfth day of Christmas, a user gave to me Twelve e-mail problems, Eleven system errors, ten ribbons fading, Nine printers jamming, eight phones a-ringing, Seven files missing, six servers crashing, Five Token Rings (*snap!*) Four virused files, three dead disks, Two VendaCards, and a problem with E.T. A Night Before Christmas (Technical Version) 'Twas the nocturnal segment of the diurnal period preceding the annual Yuletide celebration, and throughout our place of residence, kinetic activity was not in evidence among the possessors of this potential, including that species of domestic rodent known as Musmusculus. Hosiery was meticulously suspended from the forward edge of the wood burning caloric apparatus, pursuant to our anticipatory pleasure regarding an imminent visitation from an eccentric philanthropist among whose folkloric appellations is the honorific title of St. Nicholas. The prepubescent siblings, comfortably ensconced in their respective accommodations of repose, were experiencing subconscious visual hallucinations of variegated fruit confections moving rhythmically through their cerebrums. My conjugal partner and I, attired in our nocturnal head coverings, were about to take slumberous advantage of the hibernal darkness when upon the avenaceous exterior portion of the grounds there ascended such a cacophony of dissonance that I felt compelled to arise with alacrity from my place of repose for the purpose of ascertaining the precise source thereof. Hastening to the casement, I forthwith opened the barriers sealing this fenestration, noting thereupon that the lunar brilliance without, reflected as it was on the surface of a recent crystalline precipitation, might be said to rival that of the solar meridian itself - thus permitting my incredulous optical sensory organs to behold a miniature airborne runnered conveyance drawn by eight diminutive specimens of the genus Rangifer, piloted by a minuscule, aged chauffeur so ebullient and nimble that it became instantly apparent to me that he was indeed our anticipated caller. With his ungulate motive power traveling at what may possibly have been more vertiginous velocity than patriotic alar predators, he vociferated loudly, expelled breath musically through contracted labia, and addressed each of the octet by his or her respective cognomen - "Now Dasher, now Dancer..." et al. - guiding them to the uppermost exterior level of our abode, through which structure I could readily distinguish the concatenations of each of the 32 cloven pedal extremities. As I retracted my cranium from its erstwhile location, and was performing a 180-degree pivot, our distinguished visitant achieved - with utmost celerity and via a downward leap - entry by way of the smoke passage. He was clad entirely in animal pelts soiled by the ebony residue from oxidations of carboniferous fuels which had accumulated on the walls thereof. His resemblance to a street vendor I attributed largely to the plethora of assorted playthings which he bore dorsally in a commodious cloth receptacle. His orbs were scintillant with reflected luminosity, while his submaxillary dermal indentations gave every evidence of engaging amiability. The capillaries of his malar regions and nasal appurtenance were engorged with blood which suffused the subcutaneous layers, the former approximating the coloration of Albion's floral emblem, the latter that of the Prunus avium, or sweet cherry. His amusing sub- and supralabials resembled nothing so much as a common loop knot, and their ambient hirsute facial adornment appeared like small, tabular and columnar crystals of frozen water. Clenched firmly between his incisors was a smoking piece whose grey fumes, forming a tenuous ellipse about his occiput, were suggestive of a decorative seasonal circlet of holly. His visage was wider than it was high, and when he waxed audibly mirthful, his corpulent abdominal region undulated in the manner of impectinated fruit syrup in a hemispherical container. He was, in short, neither more nor less than an obese, jocund, multigenarian gnome, the optical perception of whom rendered me visibly frolicsome despite every effort to refrain from so being. By rapidly lowering and then elevating one eyelid and rotating his head slightly to one side, he indicated that trepidation on my part was groundless. Without utterance and with dispatch, he commenced filling the aforementioned appended hosiery with various of the aforementioned articles of merchandise extracted from his aforementioned previously dorsally transported cloth receptacle. Upon completion of this task, he executed an abrupt about- face, placed a single manual digit in lateral juxtaposition to his olfactory organ, inclined his cranium forward in a gesture of leave-taking, and forthwith effected his egress by renegotiating (in reverse) the smoke passage. He then propelled himself in a short vector onto his conveyance, directed a musical expulsion of air through his contracted oral sphincter to the antlered quadrupeds of burden, and proceeded to soar aloft in a movement hitherto observable chiefly among the seed-bearing portions of a common weed. But I overheard his parting exclamation, audible immediately prior to his vehiculation beyond the limits of visibility: "Ecstatic Yuletide to the planetary constituency, and to that self same assemblage, my sincerest wishes for a salubriously beneficial and gratifyingly pleasurable period between sunset and dawn." HO! HO! HO!  |
| Posted: 20 Dec 2010 05:58 AM PST  Latest News, Blogs, Tips, and Reviews that I find Interesting and Useful: 1. How DDoS attacks became the frontline tool of cyber-war The concept of Distributed Denial of Service (DDoS) attacks finally entered the mainstream public consciousness this month after assaults on the websites of Visa, MasterCard and PayPal made front page news. More @ TheNextWeb2. Apple vs. Google When Apple opened a new store on Fifth Avenue in Manhattan in 2006 it received an unusual complaint. Not the usual New York variety—you're blocking the view I paid good money for, or you're gentrifying the neighborhood I just discovered. No, this new flagship store was criticized by an Islamist website. More @ MoreIntelligentLife3. Under the hood of Google Maps 5.0 for Android Yesterday we introduced Google Maps 5.0 for Android with two significant new features: 3D interaction and offline reliability. In order to create these features, we rebuilt Maps using vector graphics to dynamically draw the map as you use it. More @ Googleblog4. The Heinz Automato 5. Why clouds and web services will continue to take over computing The tech press is intensely occupied and pre-occupied with analyzing the cloud from a business point of view. Should you host your operations in a cloud provider? Should you use web services for office work? More @ OreillyRadar6. If I Wanted to Be Naked I'd Be Naked In my younger days I read a lot of science fiction, and a lot of it has come true. Smart people, those crazy fiction writers. More @ LinuxToday7. Microsoft quietly shuts down Office Genuine Advantage program An anonymous tipster informed me on Friday that Microsoft had shut down its Office Genuine Advantage (OGA) program as of Thursday, December 16. Previously, if you wanted to download an Office add-in or template, you had to pass through a validation step first, confirming that your copy of Office was "genuine." More @ ZDNetBlog8. Mission Motors reveals Mission R electric racing superbike, conceals price 9. The Next New Year of Linux on the Desktop: 2011? Those of us who have been part of the FOSS community for more than, oh, say 10 minutes, are no doubt already familiar with the recurring "Year of Linux on the Desktop" debate. More @ LinuxInsider 10. Top 10 Best Books To Give This Christmas One of the things I most love to get is books. Also, because of my love of lists and trivia I have collected lots of books on those topics – many of which have ended up as inspiration for lists here. More @ Listverse  |
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